More questions than answers

Why does it keep happening?

It isn’t that hard…

Why do I need to keep having the same conversation?

They just don’t get it!

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar, when dealing with an issue, which involves your child, and their allergy management issues?

I’ve been racking my brains to try and work out the best way of resolving conflicts around the allergy management of my child with people who are involved with her safety.

I try real hard to come from a belief that “most” people are well intentioned and try real hard to ensure she is kept safe. But I find myself very quickly in a defensive position responding in a way, which does not match this belief.

All normal you may think when you are ensuring the safety of your child, but for the sake of my daughter and my sanity I need to dig deeper, I need to question my reactions and responses.

It does not take long before the association with “fear” raises its head loud and clear and then I have to do some more delving. Is it authentic fear or is it unreal fear, that is involved?

We all live in a world that is built on fear and if you add a life threatening condition like anaphylaxis and a child in the mix I think it is realistic to have both forms of fear. But does this response provide my daughter with the best modelling and the best outcome, probably not.

So I’ve been delving deeper, questioning a few of my preconceived ideas and wondering how much real thought work I have given these areas of our life:-

• What do we really mean by keeping her safe, are we really clear about this as parents? 

• What are our minimal standards for keeping her safe, I mean what are “musts” and what are our general aims. (Measurable and specific)

• Auditing my inner fear voice and establishing which are authentic and which are unreal fear which is a projection of what could happen. 

• How do we want my daughter to respond when assessing a potential risk, and do we have guidance for her around what is the most useful way of managing her fear…. 

I think that I have raised more questions than answers, but I know that if I am going to attract the people in our lives that are going to keep my daughter safe I need to keep delving to find the right answers……