What Kind Of Life Do You Want For Your Child As They Grow Up?

Did you know that 90% of people focus on the problem when they are dealing with change? I was part of that 90% when my daughter was

diagnosed.

It felt as if my world had fallen apart, I grieved, I got angry, I felt sad and I felt as if I had been robbed a normal mothering experience. I went through many, many different emotions most of which were extremely negative - I acknowledge that I needed to go through these before being able to move into my next phase, which was acceptance.

I've spent many hours searching for information, advice and support when in fact I should have started with ME. Looking inwardly, to draw on my own resilience and resources to deal with this new and challenging situation. To clearly identify what changes we needed to make in order to respond, then look at specifics and start to identify solutions.

What does this mean?

It was easy to spiral into panic and fear driven emotions, because after all, this was my baby and I had been told that she could literally “die” from an anaphylaxis reaction if I did not keep her safe. That is scary stuff and it takes some control to stand back and see myself as the first priority. But instead I leaped into action mode to make our environment as safe as I could. This of course was a priority and one, which needed attention, but along side that I should have considered several other very important things.

I should have carefully considered my thoughts about this new and challenging piece of news about my daughter, for they were to shape her and our lives forever. How were we going to emotionally handle this change in our lives and what thoughts would most positively serve our child best e.g. ones which were constantly filled with fear or ones which empowered and provided opportunity for her.

Secondly considering what beliefs I wanted to have, did I want to see my daughter as a sick child who needed to be constantly taken care of and not an equal to her piers, or did I want the belief that she was strong, healthy and smart and would excel in her life.

Thirdly what kind of life did I want for her, one which was full of limits and restrictions and a sense of being the odd one out, or one which she could achieve her full potential in spite of her allergies.

I have created an awareness around these three areas and try to ensure that 90% of my attention goes on solving problems, creating positive thoughts and using empowering language.

If this has touched a cord with you, I ask that you consider these points and question yourself about how you think, whether your belief system supports you and your child positively and what kind of life you want for your child as they grow up!

                                        

We get what we focus on!

This statement got me thinking.

Does this mean that if I worry constantly about the potential food allergy risks my children are exposed to whilst on a family outing, I am inadvertently creating an allergy management incident - probably not!

But it does mean that my subconscious thoughts could impact on our experience. Can this be changed? Yes.

By ensuring that I have prepared us for the family outing as best I can, considering the potential risks we may encounter and then creating a real positive intention that we are going to have a safe and enjoyable time with lots of fun and freedom.

This will ensure that my focus is on the positive experiences we can have rather than the negatives one. Surely this must increase everyones chances of having a great time!

More questions than answers

Why does it keep happening?

It isn’t that hard…

Why do I need to keep having the same conversation?

They just don’t get it!

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar, when dealing with an issue, which involves your child, and their allergy management issues?

I’ve been racking my brains to try and work out the best way of resolving conflicts around the allergy management of my child with people who are involved with her safety.

I try real hard to come from a belief that “most” people are well intentioned and try real hard to ensure she is kept safe. But I find myself very quickly in a defensive position responding in a way, which does not match this belief.

All normal you may think when you are ensuring the safety of your child, but for the sake of my daughter and my sanity I need to dig deeper, I need to question my reactions and responses.

It does not take long before the association with “fear” raises its head loud and clear and then I have to do some more delving. Is it authentic fear or is it unreal fear, that is involved?

We all live in a world that is built on fear and if you add a life threatening condition like anaphylaxis and a child in the mix I think it is realistic to have both forms of fear. But does this response provide my daughter with the best modelling and the best outcome, probably not.

So I’ve been delving deeper, questioning a few of my preconceived ideas and wondering how much real thought work I have given these areas of our life:-

• What do we really mean by keeping her safe, are we really clear about this as parents? 

• What are our minimal standards for keeping her safe, I mean what are “musts” and what are our general aims. (Measurable and specific)

• Auditing my inner fear voice and establishing which are authentic and which are unreal fear which is a projection of what could happen. 

• How do we want my daughter to respond when assessing a potential risk, and do we have guidance for her around what is the most useful way of managing her fear…. 

I think that I have raised more questions than answers, but I know that if I am going to attract the people in our lives that are going to keep my daughter safe I need to keep delving to find the right answers……

10 Things Children with Food Allergies Want You To Know

This is a great resource for anyone supporting, caring or parenting a child with food allergies.

http://www.slideboom.com/presentations/132950/10things-children-with-food-allergies-want-to-you-know

Newsletter Article Written For Allergy Week!

When my daughter was only nine months old the Royal Prince Alfred (RPA) Allergy Clinic advised us that she had food allergies. This basically meant if she came into skin contact or ate any of the foods she is allergic to, it could potentially trigger an anaphylactic reaction, which is a life threatening condition.

Much has changed during these six years; we have learnt to adapt our lifestyle to ensure that we keep her safe. Like many other parents of children with food allergies we work hard to ensure she leads a normal life.

New research into food allergy in Australia has alarmingly revealed that 1 in every 10 children is now food allergic. If you are not related to someone with food allergies or know of someone who has them, then it won’t be long before you do!

Living with allergies affects families and their communities in different ways dependent on the severity, the age of the child, cultural background and most importantly the information available by the medical profession.

Whilst she has grown up we have had many scares and thankfully have only had to use her Epipen (adrenaline auto-injector) on one occasion.

She has grown up with a high level of limitations placed on her around, behaviour, food choices, social interactions and freedom. She has to live with the constant “uncertainty” that should she touch or eat something she is allergic to, it could trigger an anaphylactic reaction.

For us as parents much of our time is spent educating family and friends, sourcing safe foods, checking labels, preparing food for outings and cooking the food she can eat.

Starting primary school was a huge milestone, for us as a whole family. With less supervision and a higher level of exposure to the foods she is allergic to, it places increased responsibility on her.

She does this conscientiously, whilst we as parents have to step back and let her take the lead. None of this would be possible without the continuos support and dedication of the school staff and friends.

She is a normal little six year old with the same interests as any other little girl her age. She has successfully managed to integrate her medical condition within her life, so that it creates few barriers. The barriers or potential additional risks she does encounter tend to be when others are not educated about food allergies and their potential impact.

We have learnt much on this journey and whilst food allergies become more common and people become more aware of the issues allergies create, our lives and that of other children become easier.

Share The Love - be like a dandelion

We as parents of kids with food allergies can be fraught with stress and anxiety about what could potentially happen to our kids. Or we can actively take another stance.....

I believe our children are individual souls with their own blue print. They will draw to them lessons and life experiences no matter how much we protect them. They will be safe, because they attract love and positive attention from those that are around them.

Others will look out for them, keep them safe and ensure they don't slip up. If they do there are plenty of people to catch them fall, help them through and assist them in learning the lessons that need to be learnt.

If we try to live our life with an open heart, we provide our children with a great role model. I believe love attracts love. During our food allergy journey we have met some amazing open souls who provide us strength when we need support and love when we need guidance.

It is important to believe our children will grow up to be strong and healthy individuals who are free from fear and anxiety about what may happen!

My Perspective Of Dads

As a primary carer for my kids I have to deal with the day-to-day management of their allergies and medical needs. This involves multiple trips to the doctors, changes in medication, adjustment to dietary requirements and an on-going role liasing with the school and preschool.

Not to mention the sourcing of specific products and jumping through various hoops to ensure that the allowed limited ingredients converts into an appetising meal for my kids. This is no easy task I can tell you, my children have the ability to smell four hundred yards away if I have sneaked some new ingredients or altered the recipe in any way!

I digress; the purpose of this posting is to raise the issue about including dads in the allergy management of our kids.

This allergy journey covers hard terrain and at times it can create cracks in what is a sound relationship. Having kids is hard enough for the strongest and most courageous, but having two kids with allergies can really test you as individuals, as partners, as parents and as a couple.

I think Dads can often be the silent partners and it is hard for them to get their needs met in terms of support and encouragement when the going gets tough.

I know for me, my husband’s job has got bigger and my paid employment has ceased just to keep up with the many demands placed on us. Whilst my social networks have grown and developed to specifically meet the many challenges of having children with allergies, my husbands have decreased.

The financial divisions and day-to-day practical responsibilities used to be fairly evenly shared, now they have completed altered. He is the sole breadwinner and I am the primary carer with no professional career insight.

Here are a few of my thoughts about Dads of kids with food allergies, they are not meant to encompass all dads, but they are meant as food for thought: -

1) Dads can often experience stress with home, work balance. The financial demands on families raising kids with allergies are unseen and can be very demanding

2) The main source of support for many dads is their partner. I know that I can sometimes be consumed with allergy management issues, which leave little space for my husband to gain any support from me.

3) Social isolation is common amongst parents of kids with allergies, even more so for Dad’s when they are out working all day.  It is far easier for mothers to connect because of being in the right place at the right time; dads lack many of these opportunities.

4)Due to work commitments they are often unable to attend the many medical appointments, which means they never get any of the allergy information first hand.

5) Loss and resentment can be experienced; as Dad’s are unable to do the spontaneous normal things other families are able to do, like go out for a family meal.

6)Being unable to build relationships with the school personnel and only engage with them when there is an issue. The school environment is not conducive to Dad’s.

7)Dad’s can sometimes see the bigger picture more easily because they aren’t immersed in the day to day management, this can be a great strength and much needed at times.

The list is endless and I have only covered a few areas and in very simple terms, but I think it is important that Dad’s have a voice and their needs are seen as different and just as important as the mums.