Think about what is created in "just a thought"

I’m standing at my car waiting for my kids to jump in at the end of their school day.

One of the mums who is normally very friendly catches the attention of another mum.

Quite words are spoken between the two.

My radar kicks in………………

Straight away my thought shift into, they are talking about a birthday party my daughter is being excluded from, again!!

My headraces, I’m distracted, the kids annoy me and I am impatient and cranky with them.

What is wrong with people I think, why would they want to exclude her, how hurtful is this?

I am almost certain that my daughter has picked up on what was going on, so I am feeling even more defensive and protective of her.

My focus has immediately moved into negative, not fair, why is she always being left out, doesn’t she have enough to deal with – Do you get my drift?

This morning at drop off it all started again when this mother did not respond to my good morning wishes and smile. Well that confirmed everything in a spilt second, she must now be feeling guilty!

All this happens in a matter of seconds, is any of this TRUE?

Who knows……

Does it serve me and my daughter well to go into this head spin of pity, absolutely not.

Fact: I have no idea what these mums were talking about and it is none of my business – paranoia

Fact: It is absolutely normal and OK for my child not to be invited to birthday parties; she is not everyone’s friend

Fact: Even if she was a friend and the mother did not feel comfortable about including my daughter, this is OK to. Why would I want her included in a party when the host did not feel confident about keeping my daughter safe.

I guess what I am trying to point out, is that thoughts are very powerful things and they are just, that “thoughts’ not facts and often not reality.

If my focus is on my daughter being excluded then this is what I am going to seek evidence for.

So be mindful of what your fleeting thoughts are supporting, flick the ones that reinforce negative and support the ones that serve you well.

Do you want to join our facebook community and find out what is going on?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Allergy-Living/206208782781130

Please come and join our facebook community. Share it, contribute to it and gain lots of helpful tips and resources. Lots more is going to be added during the coming months!

What Kind Of Life Do You Want For Your Child As They Grow Up?

Did you know that 90% of people focus on the problem when they are dealing with change? I was part of that 90% when my daughter was

diagnosed.

It felt as if my world had fallen apart, I grieved, I got angry, I felt sad and I felt as if I had been robbed a normal mothering experience. I went through many, many different emotions most of which were extremely negative - I acknowledge that I needed to go through these before being able to move into my next phase, which was acceptance.

I've spent many hours searching for information, advice and support when in fact I should have started with ME. Looking inwardly, to draw on my own resilience and resources to deal with this new and challenging situation. To clearly identify what changes we needed to make in order to respond, then look at specifics and start to identify solutions.

What does this mean?

It was easy to spiral into panic and fear driven emotions, because after all, this was my baby and I had been told that she could literally “die” from an anaphylaxis reaction if I did not keep her safe. That is scary stuff and it takes some control to stand back and see myself as the first priority. But instead I leaped into action mode to make our environment as safe as I could. This of course was a priority and one, which needed attention, but along side that I should have considered several other very important things.

I should have carefully considered my thoughts about this new and challenging piece of news about my daughter, for they were to shape her and our lives forever. How were we going to emotionally handle this change in our lives and what thoughts would most positively serve our child best e.g. ones which were constantly filled with fear or ones which empowered and provided opportunity for her.

Secondly considering what beliefs I wanted to have, did I want to see my daughter as a sick child who needed to be constantly taken care of and not an equal to her piers, or did I want the belief that she was strong, healthy and smart and would excel in her life.

Thirdly what kind of life did I want for her, one which was full of limits and restrictions and a sense of being the odd one out, or one which she could achieve her full potential in spite of her allergies.

I have created an awareness around these three areas and try to ensure that 90% of my attention goes on solving problems, creating positive thoughts and using empowering language.

If this has touched a cord with you, I ask that you consider these points and question yourself about how you think, whether your belief system supports you and your child positively and what kind of life you want for your child as they grow up!

                                        

We get what we focus on!

This statement got me thinking.

Does this mean that if I worry constantly about the potential food allergy risks my children are exposed to whilst on a family outing, I am inadvertently creating an allergy management incident - probably not!

But it does mean that my subconscious thoughts could impact on our experience. Can this be changed? Yes.

By ensuring that I have prepared us for the family outing as best I can, considering the potential risks we may encounter and then creating a real positive intention that we are going to have a safe and enjoyable time with lots of fun and freedom.

This will ensure that my focus is on the positive experiences we can have rather than the negatives one. Surely this must increase everyones chances of having a great time!

More questions than answers

Why does it keep happening?

It isn’t that hard…

Why do I need to keep having the same conversation?

They just don’t get it!

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar, when dealing with an issue, which involves your child, and their allergy management issues?

I’ve been racking my brains to try and work out the best way of resolving conflicts around the allergy management of my child with people who are involved with her safety.

I try real hard to come from a belief that “most” people are well intentioned and try real hard to ensure she is kept safe. But I find myself very quickly in a defensive position responding in a way, which does not match this belief.

All normal you may think when you are ensuring the safety of your child, but for the sake of my daughter and my sanity I need to dig deeper, I need to question my reactions and responses.

It does not take long before the association with “fear” raises its head loud and clear and then I have to do some more delving. Is it authentic fear or is it unreal fear, that is involved?

We all live in a world that is built on fear and if you add a life threatening condition like anaphylaxis and a child in the mix I think it is realistic to have both forms of fear. But does this response provide my daughter with the best modelling and the best outcome, probably not.

So I’ve been delving deeper, questioning a few of my preconceived ideas and wondering how much real thought work I have given these areas of our life:-

• What do we really mean by keeping her safe, are we really clear about this as parents? 

• What are our minimal standards for keeping her safe, I mean what are “musts” and what are our general aims. (Measurable and specific)

• Auditing my inner fear voice and establishing which are authentic and which are unreal fear which is a projection of what could happen. 

• How do we want my daughter to respond when assessing a potential risk, and do we have guidance for her around what is the most useful way of managing her fear…. 

I think that I have raised more questions than answers, but I know that if I am going to attract the people in our lives that are going to keep my daughter safe I need to keep delving to find the right answers……

10 Things Children with Food Allergies Want You To Know

This is a great resource for anyone supporting, caring or parenting a child with food allergies.

http://www.slideboom.com/presentations/132950/10things-children-with-food-allergies-want-to-you-know

Newsletter Article Written For Allergy Week!

When my daughter was only nine months old the Royal Prince Alfred (RPA) Allergy Clinic advised us that she had food allergies. This basically meant if she came into skin contact or ate any of the foods she is allergic to, it could potentially trigger an anaphylactic reaction, which is a life threatening condition.

Much has changed during these six years; we have learnt to adapt our lifestyle to ensure that we keep her safe. Like many other parents of children with food allergies we work hard to ensure she leads a normal life.

New research into food allergy in Australia has alarmingly revealed that 1 in every 10 children is now food allergic. If you are not related to someone with food allergies or know of someone who has them, then it won’t be long before you do!

Living with allergies affects families and their communities in different ways dependent on the severity, the age of the child, cultural background and most importantly the information available by the medical profession.

Whilst she has grown up we have had many scares and thankfully have only had to use her Epipen (adrenaline auto-injector) on one occasion.

She has grown up with a high level of limitations placed on her around, behaviour, food choices, social interactions and freedom. She has to live with the constant “uncertainty” that should she touch or eat something she is allergic to, it could trigger an anaphylactic reaction.

For us as parents much of our time is spent educating family and friends, sourcing safe foods, checking labels, preparing food for outings and cooking the food she can eat.

Starting primary school was a huge milestone, for us as a whole family. With less supervision and a higher level of exposure to the foods she is allergic to, it places increased responsibility on her.

She does this conscientiously, whilst we as parents have to step back and let her take the lead. None of this would be possible without the continuos support and dedication of the school staff and friends.

She is a normal little six year old with the same interests as any other little girl her age. She has successfully managed to integrate her medical condition within her life, so that it creates few barriers. The barriers or potential additional risks she does encounter tend to be when others are not educated about food allergies and their potential impact.

We have learnt much on this journey and whilst food allergies become more common and people become more aware of the issues allergies create, our lives and that of other children become easier.