As a primary carer for my kids I have to deal with the day-to-day management of their allergies and medical needs. This involves multiple trips to the doctors, changes in medication, adjustment to dietary requirements and an on-going role liasing with the school and preschool.
Not to mention the sourcing of specific products and jumping through various hoops to ensure that the allowed limited ingredients converts into an appetising meal for my kids. This is no easy task I can tell you, my children have the ability to smell four hundred yards away if I have sneaked some new ingredients or altered the recipe in any way!
I digress; the purpose of this posting is to raise the issue about including dads in the allergy management of our kids.
This allergy journey covers hard terrain and at times it can create cracks in what is a sound relationship. Having kids is hard enough for the strongest and most courageous, but having two kids with allergies can really test you as individuals, as partners, as parents and as a couple.
I think Dads can often be the silent partners and it is hard for them to get their needs met in terms of support and encouragement when the going gets tough.
I know for me, my husband’s job has got bigger and my paid employment has ceased just to keep up with the many demands placed on us. Whilst my social networks have grown and developed to specifically meet the many challenges of having children with allergies, my husbands have decreased.
The financial divisions and day-to-day practical responsibilities used to be fairly evenly shared, now they have completed altered. He is the sole breadwinner and I am the primary carer with no professional career insight.
Here are a few of my thoughts about Dads of kids with food allergies, they are not meant to encompass all dads, but they are meant as food for thought: -
1) Dads can often experience stress with home, work balance. The financial demands on families raising kids with allergies are unseen and can be very demanding
2) The main source of support for many dads is their partner. I know that I can sometimes be consumed with allergy management issues, which leave little space for my husband to gain any support from me.
3) Social isolation is common amongst parents of kids with allergies, even more so for Dad’s when they are out working all day. It is far easier for mothers to connect because of being in the right place at the right time; dads lack many of these opportunities.
4)Due to work commitments they are often unable to attend the many medical appointments, which means they never get any of the allergy information first hand.
5) Loss and resentment can be experienced; as Dad’s are unable to do the spontaneous normal things other families are able to do, like go out for a family meal.
6)Being unable to build relationships with the school personnel and only engage with them when there is an issue. The school environment is not conducive to Dad’s.
7)Dad’s can sometimes see the bigger picture more easily because they aren’t immersed in the day to day management, this can be a great strength and much needed at times.
The list is endless and I have only covered a few areas and in very simple terms, but I think it is important that Dad’s have a voice and their needs are seen as different and just as important as the mums.
