Why I don’t give advice

Why I don’t give advice!  You might think as a coach that is exactly what I do, well that is SO not true..

I have learnt much along my allergy living journey but one of the most significant ones has been that each child, each family, each situation is unique and that is so true for families living with allergies.

I want to share my approach to making decisions regarding my kids and to highlight why I don’t give advice.

Recently I have been trying to resolve a concern of mine, which has been creating, some worry! I have a choice here, I can either randomly play out my worry whilst talking to friends and family to seek out solutions to this problem.

Or alternatively I can use a structured approach, which clearly enables me to articulate the problem and work my way to finding a solution that suits my children and us as a family.

Here is how I approached this issue:-

Goal (identified my specific goal)

I want both my kids to learn to swim like any other children.

Barrier to achieving the goal (articulated my concern/worry)

Both my kids seem to be out of sorts when going swimming, nothing too specific but my intuition tells me that it does not agree with them. (Chemical sensitivities) This is very specific to my children and how we as parents choose to respond.

Gather Information (identified specific information about kids)

I have observed how they react each time we go swimming and the evidence supports my intuition. This is my perception and other parents might see different evidence than me.

Research (Built up evidence to support concern and various options to overcome barriers)

This is a big one, but the best place for me to always start is with our Allergy Unit to see what could be the cause for the reaction and whether they have any suggestions.

I also got onto the Internet and sourced some information from different discussion boards I participate in.

Going along with the principle “you get what you focus on”, I will seek out information that probably supports my concerns and possible solutions. This varies again dependent on experience, beliefs and my children’s health condition/status.

Evaluate (Identified what information relevant to our situation)

Then I gathered all the information and decided on an action that suits our situation.

Review (See if the action taken has resolved concerns)

We will put some action in place to see whether it makes a difference to my children participating in swimming.

What I realized when doing this exercise was that our children really are like fine tuned instruments and there are so many variations for each child and for each parent about the choices and decisions made. Each choice and decision is based on so many different factors:-

• Values
• Beliefs
• Experiences
• Perceptions
• Children medical conditions

So as a coach my role is to ask the right questions so when a parent gets stuck with an issue and is unable to move forward I can assist them in working out their own solutions.

As a parent you do all of the above in many different ways in your life without sometimes even realizing it.

In my opinion it is important to be cautious when seeking or giving advice, use it when gathering information and researching an issue.  But always remember that you are your OWN LEADER in your child’s health and wellbeing. Any decision you make is made with the resources you have at hand at the time and the information you have in front of you!

How to survive Christmas end of term madness

It may feel as if this time of year was designed to drive you wild and particularly you mums with kids with allergies.

Like, if you don’t have enough things to worry about, you now have the additional issues of having nuts spayed across every food counter you go near, diary chocolate has a life of it’s own in all its most appealing forms of wrapping, which the kids can’t help but want to touch, pick up and most seriously eat and so on.

Food feels as if it has taken on a whole new energy of its own, everybody seems to be considering what they are going to cook, and candy canes are starting to appear in Christmas cards and you start to worry about what food is creeping into other students’ lunch boxes.

If all this is not bad enough you also have consider how you are going to attend all the additional christmas school activities, parties and family get togethers, which mostly involve food or treats of some description in different environments! Not to mention difficult dynamics, explaining why you have to take your own food or why your child can't eat certain foods. My stress levels are on the increase, just writing this!

This obviously creates loads of fun for your kids but there is of course a lot of logistical shifting and organization that goes behind all of this and of course as the primary organiser, gift purchaser, Christmas card distributor, cook, taxi driver, and children’s entertainer etc, your up for a lot of additional work.

So, here are six tips to help you get to the End of Term with some sanity and hopefully a smile on your face;

1) Breath – it seems like an easy request, but it is in fact quite difficult to do when feeling stressed and surprisingly it is difficult to feel stressed when you are breathing deeply.

2) Get Organised – Yes I know this is something you are great at, but be realistic and don’t set yourself up for total exhaustion. Write a list, write two or three what ever it takes and slowly but surely work your way through them. Make sure you write a special list of allergy friendly foods you need to purchase in for your extra baking requirements, or alternatively special bought products if permitted. You can start baking now and putting all those festive decorations on the cakes and freeze them so you have plenty at hand ready to go! Order any online special foods/treaties like candy canes, lollies, food coloring you need. Buy your special advent calendar or buy a normal one and replace all the chocolate with pre-sealed allergy friendly ones. Put in your orders for new school uniform before the end of term. Purchase teachers presents and get your child’s closest friends contact details so you can arrange play dates during the school holidays. Pay close attention to your child’s school bag, for letters as this is a time when correspondence is flying around and you need to keep up with it all! Start putting festive special tags, stickers, and serviettes in the lunch box, anything, which makes it, look more special than usual.

3) Be focused – About the experience you want your child to have in the lead up to the end of term. Make sure they know that they will get rewarded if they are given “unsafe” treats. Have a conversation with your child’s teacher if needs be about how they are going to manage treats being brought into school and work out a system that suits you both.

4) Menu Planner – If you don’t already, have a menu plan for the weeks leading up to the end of term. It not only keeps you organised during this hectic time, it enables you to balance out food types if your child is food intolerant and enables you to build in some special treats.

5) Celebrate – Make sure you mark the end of term with a celebration. Your child has reached the end of a year, celebrate their achievements and yours. Show gratitude to all those special friends, teachers, administrators who have supported you throughout the year.

6) Planning – speak to the school about the year ahead, identify what needs to be put in place, any documents which need updating, medication which may need renewing etc. Organise a meeting date and time with the appropriate personnel either prior to the end of term or just before your child starts, so that you are confident about the New Year.

Make sure you take some time out for you, before the school holiday begins. For me it is a time of reflection and gratitude. Having my children back at home for an extended time allows us to fit into our natural "safe" state and very quickly the end of term madness drifts into a far distant memory!

Taking Risks!

Hens at school and my daughter wants to be in the thick of it.

She has a BIG egg allergy, my initial reaction is, what the heck another issue to deal with.

On a bad day if she sits in a café with someone eating eggs, her eyes start itching and a rash can quickly appear………..

Then the brain goes into action mode.

I email the Anaphylaxis Association and RPA Allergy Unit to get advice on potential risks.

Obtain a Fact Sheet and specific medical advice from RPA Allergy Clinic.

All cool, I have their support on my side.

We have suggested strategies to put in place….

I don’t want to put all the responsibility on the school to manage the risks.

 

They clearly want to keep her away from the hens, fully understandable, but not OK.

So I book us on the roster to look after the hens for the weekend.

We pick up the keys and get instructions from the school.

The peer kudos Saskia has attracted for being on the roster is invaluable.

She is glowing with excitement and a sense of responsibility.

I’ve unintentionally enabled her to gain some elevation within her peer group.

In spite of her allergies, “she is the one that gets to look after the hens”, how cool is that?

We managed to get through the weekend and Saskia has an allergy reaction free experience.

She heard the instructions, she maintained involvement, she gauged her own body response and she gained so much more than just the experience.

Her sense of pride was noticeable; she took photos into show and tell on Monday morning and has not stopped talking about it.

Her self-esteem and confidence has grown just that bit more.

Were there risks associated with this activity, yes?

Would I do it again, absolutely?

It has taught me a big lesson.

She needs to be given the opportunities to gain confidence in her own abilities to manage risks.

And these opportunities need to expand as she matures.

So our/her world opens up just a little bit more.

I am so proud of her and of myself for feeling the fear of what might happen and doing it anyway!

Having An Open Heart!

It is easy to think in the here and now and not consider the future.

A few years ago my life was split into two clear sides, those that had kids with allergies and those that didn’t.

It never felt that others would be able to fully appreciate and or take on board the complexities and severity of my daughter allergies.

It was hard to imagine that anyone who did not have a child with allergies could ever understand what it was like.

Then slowly and without any deliberate action, our world started to shift.

My daughter’s world started opening and she became more independent, she started choosing her friends.

New friends became part of our allergy journey. She and I have attracted some amazingly supportive friends.

At the weekend two friends happily volunteered to take her and her medical bag around the school fete.

She gleamed with newfound independence and joy of being with her friends and away from me.

I let go a little more and enjoyed her reaction and my sense of relief that I could share some of the responsibility.

Life is changing and our ability to integrate her allergies into our lives is growing.

We still come into contact with people who either don’t get it, or don’t choose to, but slowly but surely we are connecting with people who have open hearts and minds.

People who see allergy management as a practical process and who are happy to follow safety instructions.

But most importantly people who are happy to embrace our daughter and all that she has to offer!