Why I don’t give advice

Why I don’t give advice!  You might think as a coach that is exactly what I do, well that is SO not true..

I have learnt much along my allergy living journey but one of the most significant ones has been that each child, each family, each situation is unique and that is so true for families living with allergies.

I want to share my approach to making decisions regarding my kids and to highlight why I don’t give advice.

Recently I have been trying to resolve a concern of mine, which has been creating, some worry! I have a choice here, I can either randomly play out my worry whilst talking to friends and family to seek out solutions to this problem.

Or alternatively I can use a structured approach, which clearly enables me to articulate the problem and work my way to finding a solution that suits my children and us as a family.

Here is how I approached this issue:-

Goal (identified my specific goal)

I want both my kids to learn to swim like any other children.

Barrier to achieving the goal (articulated my concern/worry)

Both my kids seem to be out of sorts when going swimming, nothing too specific but my intuition tells me that it does not agree with them. (Chemical sensitivities) This is very specific to my children and how we as parents choose to respond.

Gather Information (identified specific information about kids)

I have observed how they react each time we go swimming and the evidence supports my intuition. This is my perception and other parents might see different evidence than me.

Research (Built up evidence to support concern and various options to overcome barriers)

This is a big one, but the best place for me to always start is with our Allergy Unit to see what could be the cause for the reaction and whether they have any suggestions.

I also got onto the Internet and sourced some information from different discussion boards I participate in.

Going along with the principle “you get what you focus on”, I will seek out information that probably supports my concerns and possible solutions. This varies again dependent on experience, beliefs and my children’s health condition/status.

Evaluate (Identified what information relevant to our situation)

Then I gathered all the information and decided on an action that suits our situation.

Review (See if the action taken has resolved concerns)

We will put some action in place to see whether it makes a difference to my children participating in swimming.

What I realized when doing this exercise was that our children really are like fine tuned instruments and there are so many variations for each child and for each parent about the choices and decisions made. Each choice and decision is based on so many different factors:-

• Values
• Beliefs
• Experiences
• Perceptions
• Children medical conditions

So as a coach my role is to ask the right questions so when a parent gets stuck with an issue and is unable to move forward I can assist them in working out their own solutions.

As a parent you do all of the above in many different ways in your life without sometimes even realizing it.

In my opinion it is important to be cautious when seeking or giving advice, use it when gathering information and researching an issue.  But always remember that you are your OWN LEADER in your child’s health and wellbeing. Any decision you make is made with the resources you have at hand at the time and the information you have in front of you!