Why I don’t give advice

Why I don’t give advice!  You might think as a coach that is exactly what I do, well that is SO not true..

I have learnt much along my allergy living journey but one of the most significant ones has been that each child, each family, each situation is unique and that is so true for families living with allergies.

I want to share my approach to making decisions regarding my kids and to highlight why I don’t give advice.

Recently I have been trying to resolve a concern of mine, which has been creating, some worry! I have a choice here, I can either randomly play out my worry whilst talking to friends and family to seek out solutions to this problem.

Or alternatively I can use a structured approach, which clearly enables me to articulate the problem and work my way to finding a solution that suits my children and us as a family.

Here is how I approached this issue:-

Goal (identified my specific goal)

I want both my kids to learn to swim like any other children.

Barrier to achieving the goal (articulated my concern/worry)

Both my kids seem to be out of sorts when going swimming, nothing too specific but my intuition tells me that it does not agree with them. (Chemical sensitivities) This is very specific to my children and how we as parents choose to respond.

Gather Information (identified specific information about kids)

I have observed how they react each time we go swimming and the evidence supports my intuition. This is my perception and other parents might see different evidence than me.

Research (Built up evidence to support concern and various options to overcome barriers)

This is a big one, but the best place for me to always start is with our Allergy Unit to see what could be the cause for the reaction and whether they have any suggestions.

I also got onto the Internet and sourced some information from different discussion boards I participate in.

Going along with the principle “you get what you focus on”, I will seek out information that probably supports my concerns and possible solutions. This varies again dependent on experience, beliefs and my children’s health condition/status.

Evaluate (Identified what information relevant to our situation)

Then I gathered all the information and decided on an action that suits our situation.

Review (See if the action taken has resolved concerns)

We will put some action in place to see whether it makes a difference to my children participating in swimming.

What I realized when doing this exercise was that our children really are like fine tuned instruments and there are so many variations for each child and for each parent about the choices and decisions made. Each choice and decision is based on so many different factors:-

• Values
• Beliefs
• Experiences
• Perceptions
• Children medical conditions

So as a coach my role is to ask the right questions so when a parent gets stuck with an issue and is unable to move forward I can assist them in working out their own solutions.

As a parent you do all of the above in many different ways in your life without sometimes even realizing it.

In my opinion it is important to be cautious when seeking or giving advice, use it when gathering information and researching an issue.  But always remember that you are your OWN LEADER in your child’s health and wellbeing. Any decision you make is made with the resources you have at hand at the time and the information you have in front of you!

How to survive Christmas end of term madness

It may feel as if this time of year was designed to drive you wild and particularly you mums with kids with allergies.

Like, if you don’t have enough things to worry about, you now have the additional issues of having nuts spayed across every food counter you go near, diary chocolate has a life of it’s own in all its most appealing forms of wrapping, which the kids can’t help but want to touch, pick up and most seriously eat and so on.

Food feels as if it has taken on a whole new energy of its own, everybody seems to be considering what they are going to cook, and candy canes are starting to appear in Christmas cards and you start to worry about what food is creeping into other students’ lunch boxes.

If all this is not bad enough you also have consider how you are going to attend all the additional christmas school activities, parties and family get togethers, which mostly involve food or treats of some description in different environments! Not to mention difficult dynamics, explaining why you have to take your own food or why your child can't eat certain foods. My stress levels are on the increase, just writing this!

This obviously creates loads of fun for your kids but there is of course a lot of logistical shifting and organization that goes behind all of this and of course as the primary organiser, gift purchaser, Christmas card distributor, cook, taxi driver, and children’s entertainer etc, your up for a lot of additional work.

So, here are six tips to help you get to the End of Term with some sanity and hopefully a smile on your face;

1) Breath – it seems like an easy request, but it is in fact quite difficult to do when feeling stressed and surprisingly it is difficult to feel stressed when you are breathing deeply.

2) Get Organised – Yes I know this is something you are great at, but be realistic and don’t set yourself up for total exhaustion. Write a list, write two or three what ever it takes and slowly but surely work your way through them. Make sure you write a special list of allergy friendly foods you need to purchase in for your extra baking requirements, or alternatively special bought products if permitted. You can start baking now and putting all those festive decorations on the cakes and freeze them so you have plenty at hand ready to go! Order any online special foods/treaties like candy canes, lollies, food coloring you need. Buy your special advent calendar or buy a normal one and replace all the chocolate with pre-sealed allergy friendly ones. Put in your orders for new school uniform before the end of term. Purchase teachers presents and get your child’s closest friends contact details so you can arrange play dates during the school holidays. Pay close attention to your child’s school bag, for letters as this is a time when correspondence is flying around and you need to keep up with it all! Start putting festive special tags, stickers, and serviettes in the lunch box, anything, which makes it, look more special than usual.

3) Be focused – About the experience you want your child to have in the lead up to the end of term. Make sure they know that they will get rewarded if they are given “unsafe” treats. Have a conversation with your child’s teacher if needs be about how they are going to manage treats being brought into school and work out a system that suits you both.

4) Menu Planner – If you don’t already, have a menu plan for the weeks leading up to the end of term. It not only keeps you organised during this hectic time, it enables you to balance out food types if your child is food intolerant and enables you to build in some special treats.

5) Celebrate – Make sure you mark the end of term with a celebration. Your child has reached the end of a year, celebrate their achievements and yours. Show gratitude to all those special friends, teachers, administrators who have supported you throughout the year.

6) Planning – speak to the school about the year ahead, identify what needs to be put in place, any documents which need updating, medication which may need renewing etc. Organise a meeting date and time with the appropriate personnel either prior to the end of term or just before your child starts, so that you are confident about the New Year.

Make sure you take some time out for you, before the school holiday begins. For me it is a time of reflection and gratitude. Having my children back at home for an extended time allows us to fit into our natural "safe" state and very quickly the end of term madness drifts into a far distant memory!

Taking Risks!

Hens at school and my daughter wants to be in the thick of it.

She has a BIG egg allergy, my initial reaction is, what the heck another issue to deal with.

On a bad day if she sits in a café with someone eating eggs, her eyes start itching and a rash can quickly appear………..

Then the brain goes into action mode.

I email the Anaphylaxis Association and RPA Allergy Unit to get advice on potential risks.

Obtain a Fact Sheet and specific medical advice from RPA Allergy Clinic.

All cool, I have their support on my side.

We have suggested strategies to put in place….

I don’t want to put all the responsibility on the school to manage the risks.

 

They clearly want to keep her away from the hens, fully understandable, but not OK.

So I book us on the roster to look after the hens for the weekend.

We pick up the keys and get instructions from the school.

The peer kudos Saskia has attracted for being on the roster is invaluable.

She is glowing with excitement and a sense of responsibility.

I’ve unintentionally enabled her to gain some elevation within her peer group.

In spite of her allergies, “she is the one that gets to look after the hens”, how cool is that?

We managed to get through the weekend and Saskia has an allergy reaction free experience.

She heard the instructions, she maintained involvement, she gauged her own body response and she gained so much more than just the experience.

Her sense of pride was noticeable; she took photos into show and tell on Monday morning and has not stopped talking about it.

Her self-esteem and confidence has grown just that bit more.

Were there risks associated with this activity, yes?

Would I do it again, absolutely?

It has taught me a big lesson.

She needs to be given the opportunities to gain confidence in her own abilities to manage risks.

And these opportunities need to expand as she matures.

So our/her world opens up just a little bit more.

I am so proud of her and of myself for feeling the fear of what might happen and doing it anyway!

Having An Open Heart!

It is easy to think in the here and now and not consider the future.

A few years ago my life was split into two clear sides, those that had kids with allergies and those that didn’t.

It never felt that others would be able to fully appreciate and or take on board the complexities and severity of my daughter allergies.

It was hard to imagine that anyone who did not have a child with allergies could ever understand what it was like.

Then slowly and without any deliberate action, our world started to shift.

My daughter’s world started opening and she became more independent, she started choosing her friends.

New friends became part of our allergy journey. She and I have attracted some amazingly supportive friends.

At the weekend two friends happily volunteered to take her and her medical bag around the school fete.

She gleamed with newfound independence and joy of being with her friends and away from me.

I let go a little more and enjoyed her reaction and my sense of relief that I could share some of the responsibility.

Life is changing and our ability to integrate her allergies into our lives is growing.

We still come into contact with people who either don’t get it, or don’t choose to, but slowly but surely we are connecting with people who have open hearts and minds.

People who see allergy management as a practical process and who are happy to follow safety instructions.

But most importantly people who are happy to embrace our daughter and all that she has to offer!

Reflections..............

" Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." Budda

This quote speaks about my life and allergies.

I am constantly trying to understand what the message is behind our story and what it means to me as women and mother.

As I travel along this road and slowly build up my muscle to deal with the many aspects of allergy living, I reflect.

We have learnt so much and yet we have so much more to learn.

When speaking to other mothers who are on an allergy journey I become acutely aware about the many differences, but also the many similarities.

I have been reflecting recently about the time when Saskia was diagnosed and the pain and fear I felt. How my intuition had lead me to believe that something was terribly wrong in spite of all the information I was being given around me.

The choices we made which then and even now seem limiting and undeniably hard.

I turned away from a belief that alternative therapies was more in line with my beliefs than a medical model, because my daughters life was more important than a view or an opinion I held.

In the early days, it was about the survival of my small baby, but now that she is stronger and self-sufficient the picture alters our options broaden.

Her system slowly becomes more mature and stronger, more roads are open.

I now can afford to revisit some of my previous beliefs about alternative therapies and health approaches.

My intuition can start to breath again, without the suffocating sense of undeniable responsibility for such a small human being.

I rejoice that as I slowly discover my new world and accept the miracles that I have within it. As my daughter has grown from baby to toddler and now infancy and then onwards, the strong connection of survival shifts, changes and expands. 

Think about what is created in "just a thought"

I’m standing at my car waiting for my kids to jump in at the end of their school day.

One of the mums who is normally very friendly catches the attention of another mum.

Quite words are spoken between the two.

My radar kicks in………………

Straight away my thought shift into, they are talking about a birthday party my daughter is being excluded from, again!!

My headraces, I’m distracted, the kids annoy me and I am impatient and cranky with them.

What is wrong with people I think, why would they want to exclude her, how hurtful is this?

I am almost certain that my daughter has picked up on what was going on, so I am feeling even more defensive and protective of her.

My focus has immediately moved into negative, not fair, why is she always being left out, doesn’t she have enough to deal with – Do you get my drift?

This morning at drop off it all started again when this mother did not respond to my good morning wishes and smile. Well that confirmed everything in a spilt second, she must now be feeling guilty!

All this happens in a matter of seconds, is any of this TRUE?

Who knows……

Does it serve me and my daughter well to go into this head spin of pity, absolutely not.

Fact: I have no idea what these mums were talking about and it is none of my business – paranoia

Fact: It is absolutely normal and OK for my child not to be invited to birthday parties; she is not everyone’s friend

Fact: Even if she was a friend and the mother did not feel comfortable about including my daughter, this is OK to. Why would I want her included in a party when the host did not feel confident about keeping my daughter safe.

I guess what I am trying to point out, is that thoughts are very powerful things and they are just, that “thoughts’ not facts and often not reality.

If my focus is on my daughter being excluded then this is what I am going to seek evidence for.

So be mindful of what your fleeting thoughts are supporting, flick the ones that reinforce negative and support the ones that serve you well.

Do you want to join our facebook community and find out what is going on?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Allergy-Living/206208782781130

Please come and join our facebook community. Share it, contribute to it and gain lots of helpful tips and resources. Lots more is going to be added during the coming months!

What Kind Of Life Do You Want For Your Child As They Grow Up?

Did you know that 90% of people focus on the problem when they are dealing with change? I was part of that 90% when my daughter was

diagnosed.

It felt as if my world had fallen apart, I grieved, I got angry, I felt sad and I felt as if I had been robbed a normal mothering experience. I went through many, many different emotions most of which were extremely negative - I acknowledge that I needed to go through these before being able to move into my next phase, which was acceptance.

I've spent many hours searching for information, advice and support when in fact I should have started with ME. Looking inwardly, to draw on my own resilience and resources to deal with this new and challenging situation. To clearly identify what changes we needed to make in order to respond, then look at specifics and start to identify solutions.

What does this mean?

It was easy to spiral into panic and fear driven emotions, because after all, this was my baby and I had been told that she could literally “die” from an anaphylaxis reaction if I did not keep her safe. That is scary stuff and it takes some control to stand back and see myself as the first priority. But instead I leaped into action mode to make our environment as safe as I could. This of course was a priority and one, which needed attention, but along side that I should have considered several other very important things.

I should have carefully considered my thoughts about this new and challenging piece of news about my daughter, for they were to shape her and our lives forever. How were we going to emotionally handle this change in our lives and what thoughts would most positively serve our child best e.g. ones which were constantly filled with fear or ones which empowered and provided opportunity for her.

Secondly considering what beliefs I wanted to have, did I want to see my daughter as a sick child who needed to be constantly taken care of and not an equal to her piers, or did I want the belief that she was strong, healthy and smart and would excel in her life.

Thirdly what kind of life did I want for her, one which was full of limits and restrictions and a sense of being the odd one out, or one which she could achieve her full potential in spite of her allergies.

I have created an awareness around these three areas and try to ensure that 90% of my attention goes on solving problems, creating positive thoughts and using empowering language.

If this has touched a cord with you, I ask that you consider these points and question yourself about how you think, whether your belief system supports you and your child positively and what kind of life you want for your child as they grow up!

                                        

We get what we focus on!

This statement got me thinking.

Does this mean that if I worry constantly about the potential food allergy risks my children are exposed to whilst on a family outing, I am inadvertently creating an allergy management incident - probably not!

But it does mean that my subconscious thoughts could impact on our experience. Can this be changed? Yes.

By ensuring that I have prepared us for the family outing as best I can, considering the potential risks we may encounter and then creating a real positive intention that we are going to have a safe and enjoyable time with lots of fun and freedom.

This will ensure that my focus is on the positive experiences we can have rather than the negatives one. Surely this must increase everyones chances of having a great time!

More questions than answers

Why does it keep happening?

It isn’t that hard…

Why do I need to keep having the same conversation?

They just don’t get it!

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar, when dealing with an issue, which involves your child, and their allergy management issues?

I’ve been racking my brains to try and work out the best way of resolving conflicts around the allergy management of my child with people who are involved with her safety.

I try real hard to come from a belief that “most” people are well intentioned and try real hard to ensure she is kept safe. But I find myself very quickly in a defensive position responding in a way, which does not match this belief.

All normal you may think when you are ensuring the safety of your child, but for the sake of my daughter and my sanity I need to dig deeper, I need to question my reactions and responses.

It does not take long before the association with “fear” raises its head loud and clear and then I have to do some more delving. Is it authentic fear or is it unreal fear, that is involved?

We all live in a world that is built on fear and if you add a life threatening condition like anaphylaxis and a child in the mix I think it is realistic to have both forms of fear. But does this response provide my daughter with the best modelling and the best outcome, probably not.

So I’ve been delving deeper, questioning a few of my preconceived ideas and wondering how much real thought work I have given these areas of our life:-

• What do we really mean by keeping her safe, are we really clear about this as parents? 

• What are our minimal standards for keeping her safe, I mean what are “musts” and what are our general aims. (Measurable and specific)

• Auditing my inner fear voice and establishing which are authentic and which are unreal fear which is a projection of what could happen. 

• How do we want my daughter to respond when assessing a potential risk, and do we have guidance for her around what is the most useful way of managing her fear…. 

I think that I have raised more questions than answers, but I know that if I am going to attract the people in our lives that are going to keep my daughter safe I need to keep delving to find the right answers……

10 Things Children with Food Allergies Want You To Know

This is a great resource for anyone supporting, caring or parenting a child with food allergies.

http://www.slideboom.com/presentations/132950/10things-children-with-food-allergies-want-to-you-know

Newsletter Article Written For Allergy Week!

When my daughter was only nine months old the Royal Prince Alfred (RPA) Allergy Clinic advised us that she had food allergies. This basically meant if she came into skin contact or ate any of the foods she is allergic to, it could potentially trigger an anaphylactic reaction, which is a life threatening condition.

Much has changed during these six years; we have learnt to adapt our lifestyle to ensure that we keep her safe. Like many other parents of children with food allergies we work hard to ensure she leads a normal life.

New research into food allergy in Australia has alarmingly revealed that 1 in every 10 children is now food allergic. If you are not related to someone with food allergies or know of someone who has them, then it won’t be long before you do!

Living with allergies affects families and their communities in different ways dependent on the severity, the age of the child, cultural background and most importantly the information available by the medical profession.

Whilst she has grown up we have had many scares and thankfully have only had to use her Epipen (adrenaline auto-injector) on one occasion.

She has grown up with a high level of limitations placed on her around, behaviour, food choices, social interactions and freedom. She has to live with the constant “uncertainty” that should she touch or eat something she is allergic to, it could trigger an anaphylactic reaction.

For us as parents much of our time is spent educating family and friends, sourcing safe foods, checking labels, preparing food for outings and cooking the food she can eat.

Starting primary school was a huge milestone, for us as a whole family. With less supervision and a higher level of exposure to the foods she is allergic to, it places increased responsibility on her.

She does this conscientiously, whilst we as parents have to step back and let her take the lead. None of this would be possible without the continuos support and dedication of the school staff and friends.

She is a normal little six year old with the same interests as any other little girl her age. She has successfully managed to integrate her medical condition within her life, so that it creates few barriers. The barriers or potential additional risks she does encounter tend to be when others are not educated about food allergies and their potential impact.

We have learnt much on this journey and whilst food allergies become more common and people become more aware of the issues allergies create, our lives and that of other children become easier.

Share The Love - be like a dandelion

We as parents of kids with food allergies can be fraught with stress and anxiety about what could potentially happen to our kids. Or we can actively take another stance.....

I believe our children are individual souls with their own blue print. They will draw to them lessons and life experiences no matter how much we protect them. They will be safe, because they attract love and positive attention from those that are around them.

Others will look out for them, keep them safe and ensure they don't slip up. If they do there are plenty of people to catch them fall, help them through and assist them in learning the lessons that need to be learnt.

If we try to live our life with an open heart, we provide our children with a great role model. I believe love attracts love. During our food allergy journey we have met some amazing open souls who provide us strength when we need support and love when we need guidance.

It is important to believe our children will grow up to be strong and healthy individuals who are free from fear and anxiety about what may happen!

My Perspective Of Dads

As a primary carer for my kids I have to deal with the day-to-day management of their allergies and medical needs. This involves multiple trips to the doctors, changes in medication, adjustment to dietary requirements and an on-going role liasing with the school and preschool.

Not to mention the sourcing of specific products and jumping through various hoops to ensure that the allowed limited ingredients converts into an appetising meal for my kids. This is no easy task I can tell you, my children have the ability to smell four hundred yards away if I have sneaked some new ingredients or altered the recipe in any way!

I digress; the purpose of this posting is to raise the issue about including dads in the allergy management of our kids.

This allergy journey covers hard terrain and at times it can create cracks in what is a sound relationship. Having kids is hard enough for the strongest and most courageous, but having two kids with allergies can really test you as individuals, as partners, as parents and as a couple.

I think Dads can often be the silent partners and it is hard for them to get their needs met in terms of support and encouragement when the going gets tough.

I know for me, my husband’s job has got bigger and my paid employment has ceased just to keep up with the many demands placed on us. Whilst my social networks have grown and developed to specifically meet the many challenges of having children with allergies, my husbands have decreased.

The financial divisions and day-to-day practical responsibilities used to be fairly evenly shared, now they have completed altered. He is the sole breadwinner and I am the primary carer with no professional career insight.

Here are a few of my thoughts about Dads of kids with food allergies, they are not meant to encompass all dads, but they are meant as food for thought: -

1) Dads can often experience stress with home, work balance. The financial demands on families raising kids with allergies are unseen and can be very demanding

2) The main source of support for many dads is their partner. I know that I can sometimes be consumed with allergy management issues, which leave little space for my husband to gain any support from me.

3) Social isolation is common amongst parents of kids with allergies, even more so for Dad’s when they are out working all day.  It is far easier for mothers to connect because of being in the right place at the right time; dads lack many of these opportunities.

4)Due to work commitments they are often unable to attend the many medical appointments, which means they never get any of the allergy information first hand.

5) Loss and resentment can be experienced; as Dad’s are unable to do the spontaneous normal things other families are able to do, like go out for a family meal.

6)Being unable to build relationships with the school personnel and only engage with them when there is an issue. The school environment is not conducive to Dad’s.

7)Dad’s can sometimes see the bigger picture more easily because they aren’t immersed in the day to day management, this can be a great strength and much needed at times.

The list is endless and I have only covered a few areas and in very simple terms, but I think it is important that Dad’s have a voice and their needs are seen as different and just as important as the mums.

Balancing Act

What are allergy health issues and what are normal childhood ailments? This is a question I constantly ask myself and it can be a real balancing act.

We have just spent the last two days in a medical whirlwind, trying to establish whether my daughters mouth breathing is being caused my her allergies or by a structural issue in her nasal passage. Caution needs to be taken every step of the way, as normal ailments which all kids experience can easily be overlooked, whilst we deal with the many confronting aspects of our children's allergy responses.

Reflecting on what is needed:-

1) Have an allergist you trust and who has a long term investment in your child and who is not worried about spending time with you to discuss various issues. (without is costing you per minute) We have two, plus an amazingly well informed dietician.

2) Keep reading over your allergy information, it is easy to assume you know it all about your child and you can easily overlook very simple but crucial pieces of information.

3) Keep a medical diary, recording illnesses, ailments, weather conditions, treatments. This is a great way of collating information which informs the medical profession and also your allergy management approach.

4) Review the medical information, as children grow their condition changes, at least annual follow up with the allergist with updates from the medical diary are always useful. Also check with medical specialists that the way your children are taking their medication is still effective. e.g. the size of spacers change as they grow from toddler to adolescent.

5) I have this great friend who has been on our allergy journey from the start she knows the whole picture and has held my hand through some of the toughest times. It is wonderful having a friend who you can rant and rave to about the issues you need to deal with and they get it, without you needing to spell everything out.

6) Try and keep a balanced view, all parents have to deal with medical issues with their children, we just have a few more.

7) Create space and time with your child to discuss why you have to go and see specialists, the purpose of blood tests, and acknowledge that it may seem unfair, whilst keeping a realistic stance that it is part of "life". There are no one off blood tests, allergy tests etc for our kids it is something that they have to learn to get used to, which is hard but a reality.

8) Make sure you give yourself space and time to process allergy appointments. A lot of information is normally given and normally within a medical setting. This can take its toll and it is worth ensuring that you acknowledge this for your and your child. Do something nice together to celebrate that the appointment is behind you. Again check in with your child their perspective of the appointment to ensure they are not left with any inaccurate information.

8) Last but not least, maintain a sense of humour! It is hard at times but in most situations there really is something to laugh at!

I am sure i've left some information out, but this is all for now.......

Education and Changing Attitudes

This week seems to be throwing up some interesting issues, which have taken up some head and emotional space.

Our local indoor playground (0-6 yrs) has decided that it is OK to serve peanut butter to children as long as no children with allergies are present. They consider this OK as they will endeavour to supervise the children and get them to use wet wipes afterwards. Trying hard to see the positives in this decision leads me to consider that at least they are  prepared to consider food allergy management even if it is a little misguided! Here is an opportunity to provide some accurate information about the "risks" associated with such actions..... So I shall be putting pen to paper and seeing what kind of  response I get, before taking a slightly more proactive approach. Watch this space........

The second challenge of the week involves a parent who seems to be challenged by the issues of cross contamination. Not wanting to bore you with the details, I should just say that some people have absolutely no idea about how to keep kids with allergies safe. What is more concerning is that they go out of their way to actively dismiss advice or information.

These incidences highlight the importance of picking your battles and being clear about the long term goal. There is no point ranting and raving about the injustices of situations or getting upset about insensitiveness of individuals.

I'm trying really hard to see what these incidences provide me in terms of 'opportunities'?

How can I ensure that my local indoor playground space is safe for kids with allergies and in particular my kids.

Secondly and most importantly how can I more actively communicate these issues within the community to ensure my daughters safety. The incident with the parent provides me with an excellent opportunity to engage in a further discussion about cross contamination issues within the school environment. If managed correctly it will improve my daughters safety at school and also hopefully enable her to purchase items form the canteen in the future.

Each challenge provides new opportunities, the trick is to let go of the steam/anger/frustration and overall emotion and try really hard to grasp a positive spin on the situation. Seeing it as an opportunity to propel me to the next challenge, which undoubtably will only be around the corner:)

None of this would be possible without the friendship and amazing support of friends who have been there before and who have experienced the many challenges we as parents of kids with allergies face daily. So my since gratitude and appreciation goes out to my friends who provide me with the much needed space and shoulder to cry on when needed. Without you it would be hard to keep such a positive spin - Thank you:)xx

Sharing the Info

 Whilst talking with a friend today about my party experience, she came up with a great suggestion to deal with the many questions parents love to ask me about allergies. Why not ask "why are you interested", obviously I wouldn't do this in an accusatory way, but more as a way of finding out why they are interested. It might just make them think twice about their own reasoning and make them a little more hesitant to ask more, if they are not really that interested.

It also made me consider having a stash of leaflets about allergies and anaphylaxis on me, so for those that did seem genuinely interested, I could give them one which would hopefully encourage them to find out more.

It really is a fine balance between wanting to educate others around allergy issues and just wanting to be a parent like any other, enjoying a party with my children.

As written in my previous blog it is a hard enough activity to do with my kids without feeling as if I have to field multiple questions. Some of the questions and honest answers are conversations my children should not be exposed to!

Let's party!

I've been meaning to set up this blog for far too long and here I am finally and wondering were I should begin???

I guess in the NOW is always a good place to begin......

Today we attended yet another birthday party, something the average parent does without too much thought but for us, this is an event which fills me with way too much stress and unfortunately dread! I'm in search for advice on ways to manage these events not only on a practical level (as i am not a domestic goddess in the kitchen) but also on an emotional level......

Am I the only one that builds these events into stress atoms, days before I build myself into a ridiculous state of neurosis, worrying about what food I will take, how we will cope, what issues we will have to deal with and how best I can ensure the kids have an exciting time! I exhaust myself. The family have to cope with me in a whirlwind of emotion, watching me at work in the kitchen making party creations often minutes before walking out the door. As I am often in complete denial that we are even going to a party in the first place.

We arrive at party and I turn into a social queen chatting and laughing and answering the array of questions about allergies and food intolerance etc. Whilst gently ensuring the kids are safe and enjoying themselves. Inside I often find myself retreating emotionally and feeling regret that my kids cannot indulge in the party food ritual that other kids do. It must feel so isolating for them, although few words are expressed by them, the look or quick glance at the tasty birthday cake speaks volumes, and I wonder............

We get home all tried and played out and I pour myself a cup of tea and think, i wonder how long it will be before we get another party invitation?