There are times as a mother of children who have allergies, that I have to be calm and one of those is when it comes round to my child's allergy skin prick testing. My own sense of dread has increased as my children have got older and their awareness of what is going to happen and how it is going to feel has increased.
This was only made worse last year when my daughter after six years of absolutely no issues in the lead up, during or after the skin prick testing completely lost it. I ashamedly did everything in my power to try and get her to have them. I should have known better, my daughter does not do anything she does not want to do no matter how much cajoling, persuasion and or bribery!
This was not an experience that would be repeated, it was far too traumatic for all of us! I cam away feeling like the worst parent ever and I thought she would never allow a skin prick test to be done again - I was wrong, learning from what had happened again and with some new found knowledge, I am pleased to say both my children very successfully went through the skin prick testing process with no trauma, drama or tears, in fact we even managed to share some humour around it!
Lessons learnt:-
- Create the space and time to prepare myself for such an event. So that I am calm and present.
- Don't talk about it too much before the event, only talk about it if she raises the subject and then answer honestly and concisely.
- If at all possible pick the person who does the skin prick testing (in my daughter's case she only wants a female)
- Celebrate at the end of the appointment.
But now I would include an additional suggestion which in my opinion all mothers should be shown as well as children, because it can be applied to any situation were one is feeling nervous, anxious or just wanting to change their emotions or focus!
It is one that I learnt during my Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner studies, it is easy, quick and can be adapted to children of many different ages. I used it during our last skin prick tests and it worked a treat!
If you want more detailed background, I would suggest that you Google "Peripheral Vision" and I am sure you will find more information than I can provide in this blog.
Before I plunge into the detail, I would like to encourage you as a parent to do this yourself before trying to teach it to your child. The main reason being, I would strongly suggest that it is really sensible for us to be calm and focused before we expect our children to be, because as you know they sense our emotions without us needing to say or do too much!!
Secondly it is far easier to teach others, when you have learnt a skill yourself and thirdly it is just a great technique to have up your sleeve for those moments when you feel stressed out or overwhelmed.
Explanations & Why It Works
We have two aspects of our vision – ‘focused’ vision
(sometimes referred to as ‘foveal’ vision. Focussed vision is the vision we use
when concentrating our gaze on a particular object. Peripheral vision is the
vision that allows us to see what is happening around us and either side of the
object of your focussed vision.
There are two explanations why getting into peripheral
vision works.
- Focused vision is about detail whereas peripheral vision takes in ‘the big picture’. By going into peripheral vision and staying that way for a few moments changes the meaning that we place on events.
- Focussed
vision arouses the ‘sympathetic’ nervous system, which is the part of the
nervous system that accelerates the heart rate, constricts blood vessels,
and raises blood pressure (the ‘stress’ responses), whereas peripheral
vision aroused the ‘parasympathetic’ nervous system. The parasympathetic
nervous system is the part of the nervous system that serves to slow the
heart rate, increase the intestinal and glad activity, and to relax the
sphincter muscles (in other words, the ‘relaxed’ response).
The Steps To Accessing Your Peripheral Vision?
Broadly, the steps are as follows:
- Pick a spot on a wall a little above eye level that you can focus on.
- As you focus on that spot, allow yourself to notice that even though you are focusing your eyes on that spot, you can allow your awareness to spread either side of that spot, so that you can see the whole of the wall ahead of us.
- Then allow your attention to spread along both adjacent walls at the same time, so that even though you are looking at the object you are aware of everything either side of you (180 degree’s)
- Once you are able to do this, you can notice how relaxed you feel. (It helps to relax the jaw muscles, possibly by opening the mouth very slightly.)
- Once you feel relaxed and that your mind is still, lower your eyes so that you can address the situation at hand.
A Gift You Can Give Your Child
The challenge now is to convert the steps into an easy
technique for your child. Making a game out of this is one of the easiest ways
and we have developed some fun ones!
Looking up and getting the kids to describe what it is they
can see right above them and then slowly get them to see if they can keep their
heads still whilst noticing what is around them.
It takes time and patients, but as a parent who has used this,
I can tell you it is worth being persistent, making it fun and getting the kids
to think that it is a game.
As they get older you can slowly introduce the steps above
in a more systematic way. In the meantime though I encourage you as a parent to
try it, when you are needing to create a calm state, because as you know our
children tune into our every emotion, so even if they can’t do the exercise
fully now they can gain some benefit from you doing it.
Also I would encourage you to talk about what your child is
seeing whilst looking up, what colours they can see, whether it makes a noise
or what noise can they imagine it making, what is smells or feels like. It
gives them something else to focus on whilst sitting around waiting for a Skin
Prick Test and then if you can try and get them to keep looking up rather than
down at their arm, it will certainly support them.
